The ingredients...uh, characters used here are not mine. You can find them at TPTB Supermarkets, or in various forms in any well-stocked fandom pantry.

Rating: fat free, with a slash garnish.

Thanks going out to my taste-testers: Luminosity  and dswdiane (the other white meat).

This...uh, whatever it is...is dedicated to MacGeorge, who, although she inspired the incredibly funny discussion that ultimately inspired this mess, does not by any means write by a formula. Thank God.

Suze

Welcome to our kitchen!

Here in the test kitchen of Immortal Gourmand Monthly, we know how busy and full your life is. Even with the best of intentions, sometimes you can't -- or just don't want to -- spend all day toiling over a hot keyboard. Well, the next time talent, time, or energy desert you, grab one of these quick, easy to follow recipes and you can still serve up fine HL cuisine. From appetizers to dessert, we've got you covered! Your friends will be amazed, and your enemies...well, your enemies already hate you, so fuck what they think.

Happy eating!


Quick and Easy Immortal Cuisine


 

Creamed Methos Muse on Toast

1 Methos muse
1 Duncan muse
1 can water chestnuts, diced
1 cup green onions, chopped
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 Tbsp almond oil
1 Amanda muse (optional)

Peel and cream Methos muse. Stir in green onions, water chestnuts, and mayonnaise. Chill until firm. Slice Duncan muse into triangles, drizzle with almond oil and toast until light golden brown. Spread Creamed Methos muse over toasted Duncan muse triangles. Garnish with grated Amanda muse, if desired.

Wicked Witch Wontons

1 Cassandra
1 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened
1 small onion, chopped
1 cup almond oil
Wonton wrappers
Horsemen curls

Bring Cassandra to room temperature, then mince. Stir in cream cheese and onion. Place 1 tsp of Cassandra mixture in middle of wonton wrapper, then seal edges. Drop into hot oil and fry until golden. Garnish with Horsemen curls and serve immediately.

Low-fat Angst Salad

1 head of Richie
1 cup Bronze Age Methos
1 tsp. Essence of Tessa
1/2 cup Darius
1/4 cup Galati juice
Cherry tomatoes
freshly ground pepper

Cube Bronze Age Methos. Spread single layer of cubed BAM on a cookie sheet. Drizzle with Essence of Tessa and toast until lightly browned. Wash and shred head of Richie. Julienne Darius. Place Richie, Darius, and cherry tomatoes in a large bowl, drizzle with Galati juice and toss lightly. Season with pepper to taste, DO NOT ADD SALT. Garnish with BAM croutons immediately before serving.

Double Q Stew

1 Methos
1 Duncan
1 Kronos, well aged
2 cups Horseman stock
4 new potatoes, peeled and quartered
1 clove garlic
1/4 cup Cassandra oil
Dash of Joe

Peel Duncan, then marinate in oil of Cassandra for at least two days, basting often. Place Horseman stock in a 6-quart pot, add Kronos, potatoes and garlic, and bring to a boil. Drop Methos whole into boiling stock, cook over low flame until potatoes are tender. Add Duncan, stir until well blended. Season with Joe to taste. Serve hot over egg noodles.

Easy Hero Sandwich

1 Duncan
1 Methos
1 Amanda
1/2 cup almond oil
1 loaf French bread

Roll Duncan, Methos, and Amanda in almond oil. Slice bread horizontally. Layer with Methos, then Duncan, then Amanda. Serve hot, with extra napkins.

Stuffed Methos Roll

1 breast of Methos
1 pkg frozen Duncan
1 large onion, diced
1/2 cup almond oil
1 tsp sage
salt
1/2 cup Kronos crumbs
 

Place Methos between two sheets of waxed paper and pound until thin, lithe, or slender. Coat with almond oil and set aside. Thaw Duncan in microwave, then squeeze to remove excess water. Mix Duncan, onion, Kronos crumbs, and sage. Add salt to taste. Pound Methos again, just for the hell of it. Place Duncan mixture in center of Methos breast. Beginning at long edge, roll Methos until Duncan is completely enclosed. Wrap with twine, and bake in a 350-degree oven for two hours, basting frequently. Serve warm, with whipped potatoes.

Watcher Stir-Fry

Assorted Immortals, cubed
1 Tbsp. ginger, chopped
4 green onions, chopped
1 can Water chestnuts
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 Tbsp Horton Sauce
1/2 cup almond oil

Put almond oil in wok over medium flame. When hot enough to sizzle, add cubed Immortals and cook for 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Add vegetables and Horton sauce and cook an additional two minutes. Serve immediately, over rice. Does not freeze well.

Pierson Pie

Pastry for double crust pie
1 Methos, peeled and sliced
1 cup powdered Adam
1/2 cup sugar
1 Tbsp butter
1/4 tsp Allspice

Line a 2-quart baking dish with half of the pastry. Place sliced Methos and powdered Adam in a brown paper bag, shake until Methos is well coated. Arrange Methos over pastry in an attractive sprawl, then sprinkle with sugar and allspice. Place dabs of butter on strategic locations as desired, and cover with second layer of pastry. Seal edges well, do not vent. Bake in a 350-degree oven until alabaster. Cool until Chivalry. Serve with beer.

Kongealed Kimmie

1 Kronos
1 Kalas
1 Kristin
1 cup miniature Marshmallows
1 small pkg red Jell-O, any flavor
1 large can Cherry pie filling
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup toasted chopped pecans
1 can Redi Whip, optional

Place Kronos, Kristin, and Kalas in blender and hit puree. Add Jell-O to boiling water and stir until dissolved. Fold in pureed Kimmies, pie filling, nuts and marshmallows. Chill until firm. Serve with Redi Whip if desired.

Coming next month in Immortal Gourmand:  Creme de Methos Brownies, Amanda Au Jus, Dark Duncan Dijon, Richie Kabobs.

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