<A threesome?>

"Actually, I think at last count it was a foursome."

<When?>

"Don't hold your breath, Methos, it's not going to happen."

<Why not? I think Diane and Rache and Kady have the right idea. It sounds good to me.>

"It's TLB, Methos."

<So?>

"The little guy. Remember? The one with all the hair?"

<Oh. Him.>

"Yeah. You weren't very nice to him the last time he came over."

<Yeah, well, he's a selfish little twit.>

"And that's exactly why it's not going to happen. If you can't be nice to Blair, Zen and nan won't let you play in his sandbox."

<*His* sandbox? Excuse me, but the last time I looked, Blair was playing in *my* sandbox. Hell, he's moved into my sandbox and taken over. Zen and nan don't even write me anymore.>

"Feeling neglected, old man?"

<Of course not! I have *lots* of people writing about me! And most of them let me have great sex.>

"But none of them are Zen and nan."

<And that should worry me? So what. I'll get over it.>

"Uh-huh."

<I will! I've lived through worse things than being neglected and spurned by two slash writers with weird hair!>

"You told me you liked their hair."

<Well, they were writing me then. I'll say anything for good sex.>

"Methos, you're a slut."

<I'm desperate. They've forgotten all about me! They only use me as a pathetic memory to get Duncan sappy so Blair can comfort him. If you ask me, Hairboy's the slut! I mean, they're chapter count is in the twenties already! When are they going to get tired of that hairy, little dickless wonder and write about *me* again?>

"'Dickless wonder?' That isn't going to get you back into their good graces, old man. They'll write about you again, don't worry."

<When? Easter? I'll bet they have me show up dressed as the Easter bunny so Blair, and Duncan, and what's-his-name can have a good laugh.>

"It's not that bad, Methos. They're working on your next story, but it's complicated. You want it to be good, don't you?"

<Of course I want it to be good. I'm just asking for equal time with the little furball.>

"Listen, Methos. Be smart. Don't piss-off Zen and nan. They could do all kinds of really rotten things to you if you piss them off."

<You think so?>

"I know so."

<They wouldn't dare.>

"Methos, what have you done?"

<Me? I never do *anything*. That's the problem.>

"Don't give me that. I know that look."

<What look?>

"*That* look. That's your 'I just locked Amanda in the broom closet again' look."

<Absolutely ridiculous. Amanda's not even here.>

"No, she's afraid I'm going to let you and Kady torture her. She says she's not...Methos, what's that thumping?"

<What thumping? I don't hear any thumping.>

"I do. Where's Duncan?"

<He went out to get me more beer.>

"Then who's making all that noise in the closet?"

<What noise in the closet? You're hearing things. There isn't anyone locked in the closet tonight.>

"Methos!"

<Well, what was I supposed to do? He wouldn't share!>

"Methos! Let Blair out of the closet!"

<No.>

"Methos, do you have any idea how pissed Zen and nan are going to be when they find out you've kidnapped Blair! I'm not taking the heat for this one, old man."

<I'm not asking you to take the heat. Just let me use the computer to send the ransom note.>

"Is that a lock of his hair?"

"Of course. I know how this is done. I have to prove I really have him.>

"That's an awfully *big* lock of hair, Methos. Did you leave any intact?"

<Yes. He's a little...lopsided, but he and nan'll look like a matched set now.>

"You're on your own, old man. I'm outta here."

Dear Zen and nan--

Remember me? I'm the one who made you famous! Do you think you would have gotten all those great reviews if you'd started with Hairball and the Fuzz? I demand equal time or I shave his worthless, furry, little head.

Your friend,

Methos

 The End

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