<You have to do it.>

"Methos, I can't."

<You have to. It's a matter of honor.>

"Oh, please. If you were Kilt-boy I *might* buy that."

<Change it.>

"I'd have to rewrite that entire section of the story. It's not that important."

<It's important to me. I have an image to maintain. I have fans to consider.>

"Methos, we're almost done. A little more work on the seduction, finish the sex scene, and it's finally over."

<I don't care.>

"I am not going to rewrite that entire section just so we can mention your boxers!"

<Yes, you are. You're the Boxer Brigade Propagandist. You're required to show me in my boxers, or getting taken out of my boxers, or at the very least mention how sexy I look in my boxers.>

"Methos, it won't fit."

<Of course it'll fit. Just move the scene where Duncan looks so sexy until *after* the boxer mention. It'll fit there. Trust me, I know where it'll fit.>

"You have a filthy mind."

<Thank you. I've had a lot of practice.>

"Listen, can't you just be happy with the feet? I mentioned them three times. And I could probably fit in another toe scene."

<What is it with you and the feet today?>

"I'm just tired of thinking up ways to describe your neck. I'm going to have Duncan suck your toes instead."

<Speaking of sucking, might I suggest...>

"No, you may not. Be patient, we'll get there."

<You've been promising that for days. I agreed to help if you'd skip ahead and write the sex scene. Where is it?>

"It's not my fault. You suffered so beautifully I got distracted."

<I'm glad you enjoyed it, because we're never doing it again.>

"But it was so much fun! Watching you wrestle with dilemmas is so entertaining."

<It's more entertaining when I wrestle with MacLeod. Get to it.>

"In a minute. Let's go back and work on your monologue. It's too silly."

<Silly? That's one of my best scenes! If you want to cut something silly, go back and work on Mac's last scene.>

"I love that scene! He's so cute when he tries to be reasonable."

<That's *another* thing I'm not helping with any more. MacLeod's logic sequences give me a headache.>

"Okay. Let's work on the seduction scene then. Can we agree to that?"

<Why can't we just grab each other and go behind a bush? That's how we did it in the good old days.>

"Methos, get serious. This is going to be a tender, romantic, very slow sex scene. It needs a steamy seduction scene for an intro."

<Tender? Tender as in no blood? Tendr as in no 'brutal pounding'? Tender as in no 'lets see if this hurts, Methos'?>

"Exactly."

<Slow? As in more than three paragraphs of foreplay?>

"That's the plan."

<Who are you and what have you done with Suze? It won't do you any good. We have a policy against paying ransom.>

"You're so sweet. Remind me to tell Duncan how sweet you are."

<Threats will get you nowhere.>

"Don't be so sure about that. I think I could come up with some pretty creative threats."

<You flatter yourself. I survived the "Hades" stories, remember?>

"Humiliation won't kill you."

<And I survived Little Earthquakes.>

"Physical torture. You're an Immortal, I'm not impressed."

<I survived Maygra.>

"Oh. I see your point. Okay, no more threats."

<You want me to do a hot seduction? You might give bribery a try.>

"Okay, we'll go work on the sex scene."

<You're going to have to do the sex scene eventually anyway. I want my boxer scene.>

"Methos! We settled that."

<We settled nothing. You tried to distract me with sex. You want a steamy seduction, I want my boxer scene. I think it's a fair deal.>

"That's your final offer?"

<That's the offer on the table. What's your problem with this anyway? I thought you liked me in boxers.>

"Well, I've been picturing you in those tiny little red  thingees...."

<'Thingees?'>

"All right. It's a g-string."

<"A red g-string. Instead of my boxers. Read my lips. No. Fucking. Way.>

"It could be really sexy, Methos. And it would make Mac really happy. It was his idea."

<Of course it was. Another Masterpiece Theater Moment from the mind of the horny boy scout. Boxers.>

"I'll try, Methos. I guarantee nothing."

<Do more than try. It's in your MBB contract.>

<I hate to be the one to break this to you, old man, but there is no MBB contract.>

"No contract? You didn't have to sign anything in blood?"

<Not even a pinky swear. We all do this for love remember?>

"Speak for yourself. I do it for the sex."

 The End

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